I cried

I used a friend's pool for therapy for the first time. I was in there for like three hours. When I first got in and felt no gravity resistance, that I could bend, and that cold water felt like a constant soothing ice pack, it felt so good I wanted to cry from happiness. 

So I stood there and did leg curls, and sat on the steps and did gentle kicks, and walked the shallow end and saw how much I could bend my leg while walking because on land, I'm still walking straight legged. 

Then mom wanted to move to the jacuzzi. She encouraged me to bend as I walked to the jacuzzi, but my knee had accommodated to the lack of gravity in the pool and had a hard time walking and I had to lean on her. Also I was walking slower and the cement was HOT. Generally the jacuzzi was a bad idea. A) she likes hot for nerve damage, but I've been using ice packs for pain, not heat packs. So why would hot water feel good? B) I generally don't like hot water. My skin is sensitive to temperature change and I have a hard enough time taking a hot shower. Again, why would hot water feel good?

I tried bending in the jacuzzi and I was getting more and more pain and it was like I had to think about each muscle more and more. I also was feeling like bubble wrap in the jacuzzi. So I as-quickly-as-I-could straight-leg-walked back to pool shallow end. And I had to sit on the steps and rest. 

By this point, I was in pain, my knee was physically tired, and because I was frustrated at my range of motion and the fact that I love to swim but I couldn't even do a normal stroke, I was emotionally tired and I broke down and cried. 

I was able to tread water with three limbs while I chatted with my friends. But now I'm home and I'm so tired. My knee really wants to not fight gravity all the time so it decided to be wobbly. 

Now I shall nap before dinner :(